Erectable Tent Pitching

In the summer time I dust of my tent, sleeping bag and camping supplies and stuff them in my car. I head out in to the wild before anyone else takes all the good camping spots. I go really early in the morning right after the sun comes up and the rooster’s crow at 10:30 am. I buy food, worms and biodegradable toilet paper because I don’t want to make a mistake when discerning which poison ivy leaf to wipe with and just use toilet paper. I also want to make sure I eat enough to produce waste so I use the toilet paper and something to torture the worms with (do worms know the difference between shit and mud? They don’t have a nose).
It takes many years to find the perfect campsite without idiot kids laughing jovially making your ears bleed and stupid annoying elderly people smelling up the place with their decomposing flesh. Sometimes you have to go at certain times of the day like before 12 pm to avoid kids camping next to you because there still at home rotting there brains out watching cartoons. If you want to avoid old people go after 6 pm because they are already in bed by then, but there is still a chance there will be young people if they haven’t tired themselves out whining to their parents all day.
When you find the perfect campsite make sure you are far away from the all the rich yuppies because you don’t want them coming over to your tent and blocking the front of your tent forcing you to listen to all their silly bragging about shit they just bought or what new country they just conquered and their pain and struggles of keeping the savages from decolonizing.
When you pitch your tent push all of the weak pussies out of the way and find the softest piece of cement that is the closest to the ticket stand. You want to be one of the first people in line, but comfort is also important. Surety that you know you’ll get to see the movie at the first showing is comforting, but finding good seats is equally as important, so you might want to bring inconspicuous weapons. I made the mistake of bringing my chain with a spiked metal ball the first year because I wanted to be certain that I would knock the person out. People started to notice and I got kicked out of the movie, it sucked getting kicked out of the movie. I now bring blow darts laced with an array of fast acting poisons and tranquilizer solutions.